I’m too easily distracted by women lately. Today is the second time in three days I’m distracted by the butt sashaying sex. That’s a bad omen. This means that I’m really really bored because I don’t think there has been any improvement in the gene pool in the past few years.
The day before, it was the knife-wielding, ass-kicking and kung-fu fighting gal on TV. Today, it was the girls at the pool. I’m not talking about the girls at the swimming pool I frequent. At that pool, you’ll only see girls stripping down to their bikinis, slapping on plenty of lotion and getting themselves barbecued. It never fails to remind me of the times when I was spreading margarine over squids and barbecuing them. Only difference is that the squids were conscious of the fact that they don’t look good in bikinis. Though I adore barbecued squids, I’ve no love for barbecued homo sapiens.
While these girls are vying to get themselves into the Top 10 Crispiest Girl of the Month, I was distracted by another bunch of girls. These girls I was attracted by are thousands of kilometres away in Athens. Yes, it’s those Olympics pool girls I’m talking about. Previously, I’d ignore all the pool events in the Olympics. I’ve no interest in the guys taking part. Partly because I’m not one of those girls who’ll go driveling, wild and screaming when they see guys with six pecs and almost perfect bods, each wearing just a triangular piece of cloth, getting wet. Partly it’s also precisely because the guys have six pecs and almost perfect bods. I feel lousy each time I turn on the TV and see them. Without fail, I’ll always hope they’ll get cramps and drown. Then I’ll start doing my turkey victory dance. Needless to say, I haven’t done that dance for as far as I can recall. Getting rusty if things don’t happen soon.
Those pool girls taking part in the swim events did not attract me either. Sure, they’re athletic, fit and strong. I’ve no problem with any of that. But look, females who look as if they can carry me sitting on their shoulders with room to spare just don’t appeal to me. In fact, if the coolie system is still in place at ports now, they’ll no worries about lack of jobs.
The girls that really took my breath away were those participating in the synchronized swimming event. It’s not so much of their beauty actually. A couple of them actually will look quite at home in the Mad magazine. At least none of them have shoulders so wide that can be use as runways. What drew me to them were their performances. Each team was so good, especially the Russian team, that I’d need an oxygen tank to get my breath back. I’m really amazed at how such perfect synchronization can be achieved, in water. I can also never figure out how they manage to perform those legs sequence in the air while half their bodies are submerged in the pool. The one time I tried, I got cramps and almost drowned. Some people were waiting to do my turkey victory dance then, if not for the cramps they were getting in their stomachs from laughing. I’ll need to get a patent for my dance.