I just came back from Ipoh in Malaysia, which is about 700km north of Singapore. Had gone there for some relatives visiting, both alive and dead, over the Easter weekend with my family.
The trip to and fro wasn't all that pleasant, considering that I was behind the wheels most of the time. To make matters slightly more challenging for this duty driver, my father had decided to travel to Ipoh at midnight on Thursday, when I'd nary a wink out of my forty. The trip back yesterday was made in the wee hours of the morning when I could have woken up the resident rooster for its morning crow of the day.
Travelling at such early hours meant travelling in the dark (except at exit points and toll booths, the highway has no lightings). Travelling in the dark meant an added bonus to the monotony of driving to fall asleep. And fall asleep I almost did on several occasions, while the speedometer was pointing to the figure of 150.
My father, sitting in the passenger seat, hadn't dare to fall asleep and kept on a constant mantra of telling me to slow down and keep to the speed limit. Of course, I ignored him because I was already concentrating on not falling asleep.
In the small confines of the car, how else can I keep myself awake aside from getting my adrenaline up by going faster and faster. Even that got dull after a while. Blasting of music was out and as was the showcasing of my beautiful singing talent, since the rest of my family was sleeping in the back seats.
Luckily, close shaves were all I'd got and since then I'd given some thoughts and came up with a list of must-haves for driving long distances at night along Malaysia's highway.
1. Sunglasses
I'm not kidding. With all the vehicles on the road having their high beam lights on, vehicles travelling from behind shining into the rearview mirror and in the opposite direction are bound to blind the driver. So unless this is the kind of lights you want to see before arriving at the Pearly Gates, it's best to keep the lights out.
2. Massage chair
Change the driver seat to a massage chair or else you're going to get a stiff neck, sore shoulders and plenty of piles.
3. Toothpicks
Nothing better to prop up one's drooping eyelids to keep awake. Safety pins are an alternative.
4. Ammonia
What can't keep you awake externally (the toothpicks), got to be complemented by something that can go internally to the body system and nothing like ammonia can do the job. Guaranteed instant result. If you can't get your hand on ammonia, take a travel partner who regularly gives off swamp gas that, when lit a match, can roast an entire thanksgiving turkey. Bring along an oxygen tank as well in this case.
5. Rugby Gear
With road bullying becoming part of the Malaysia road travel experience recently, wearing a rugby gear out may not sound like a bad idea.
So there you go, a list of items to keep you driving at 150km/hr safe and sound on the Malaysia highway.
Oh ya, don't forget to buy travel insurance with me as your sole beneficiary.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Don't ask why
Some people are an inquisitive lot. Some of these people just have too much time on hand. One of them who fit both criteria is Ms F, who wrote in to the forum in Straits Times today with a lot of whys.
As the resident expert from B.B.C. (Bird Brain Corporation) on the issues raised, I shall extract some of her queries and provide some answers here.
Why is jaywalking a crime when cyclists can ride with impunity on footpaths and endanger pedestrians?
Long time ago, a local comedian was hit and killed by a car while jaywalking. Henceforth, jaywalking was made illegal so no other funny men, a rare breed in this society with little funny bones, will die jaywalking and thus plunge the local media industry into bankruptcy. On the other hand, no comedian has been killed by pedestrian while cycling on footpaths.
Why are dog owners not fine for littering when they allow their dogs to defecate without cleaning up the mess?
It must be made clear that it's the dogs that 'littered', not the owners. Since there are no laws governing dogs, technically, the dogs can't be fined and the owners did not commit any crime. In fact, such actions when done on grass patches, earn the praises of P.O.O.s (Penny-pinching Observance Officers) from the government cost cutting committee for the money saved on fertilising public land.
Why am I not allowed to keep a cat in my HDB flat when I can't walk 20m in my HDB estate without stepping around dog poo, left on the footpath or grass or void deck by an ungracious dog owner?
Come again, what's the relationship between the cat and the dog poo? Or do you mean you prefer stepping around cat poo rather than dog poo? You are so lucky to live in such estate with an abundance of dog poo. Step on them and then go buy 4D, Toto or lottery for goodness sake!
Why is it one can be fined or given a Corrective Works Order for discarding a cigarette butt when others who burn mounds of paper on the road or footpath get away without censure?
Put your brain back into your skull for a moment. Would the government risk their chances of re-election by censuring 70% of the nation's population bonded by religion or is it easier to make money from, I mean fine, individuals who just have a common affliction of butter-fingers?
Why do passengers in my car have to belt-up when passengers on public buses and those seated on planks in the back of pick-ups or lorries are not required to do so?
This belting up regulation is based on the Law of Obstruction (L.O.O.) and liability laws. Belting up is required in a car due to the small confines. In the case of an emergency brake, if unrestrained by a belt, the likelihood of the passenger hitting the confines of the car and thus injuring himself is high. This may result in liability lawsuits against the car manufacturers and therefore make the manufacturers apprehensive about exporting cars to Singapore, affecting the economy.
Conversely, there are plenty of room within the closed confines of a public bus and the non-existent confines in the back of pick-ups or lorries. Hence, there are minimal obstructions when the passengers fly out of their seats to injure them. Lawsuits, if any, can only be brought up against the drivers and that's no problem since there're plenty of drivers around. Unless people want to walk, or everybody can afford a car, the public transport is pretty much safe from liability to affect the economy.
Why do I care? Because I am uniquely Singaporean!
Yeah. Definitely. Now give me a moment to roll my eyes from lights to darkness.