I’m too easily distracted by women lately. Today is the second time in three days I’m distracted by the butt sashaying sex. That’s a bad omen. This means that I’m really really bored because I don’t think there has been any improvement in the gene pool in the past few years.
The day before, it was the knife-wielding, ass-kicking and kung-fu fighting gal on TV. Today, it was the girls at the pool. I’m not talking about the girls at the swimming pool I frequent. At that pool, you’ll only see girls stripping down to their bikinis, slapping on plenty of lotion and getting themselves barbecued. It never fails to remind me of the times when I was spreading margarine over squids and barbecuing them. Only difference is that the squids were conscious of the fact that they don’t look good in bikinis. Though I adore barbecued squids, I’ve no love for barbecued homo sapiens.
While these girls are vying to get themselves into the Top 10 Crispiest Girl of the Month, I was distracted by another bunch of girls. These girls I was attracted by are thousands of kilometres away in Athens. Yes, it’s those Olympics pool girls I’m talking about. Previously, I’d ignore all the pool events in the Olympics. I’ve no interest in the guys taking part. Partly because I’m not one of those girls who’ll go driveling, wild and screaming when they see guys with six pecs and almost perfect bods, each wearing just a triangular piece of cloth, getting wet. Partly it’s also precisely because the guys have six pecs and almost perfect bods. I feel lousy each time I turn on the TV and see them. Without fail, I’ll always hope they’ll get cramps and drown. Then I’ll start doing my turkey victory dance. Needless to say, I haven’t done that dance for as far as I can recall. Getting rusty if things don’t happen soon.
Those pool girls taking part in the swim events did not attract me either. Sure, they’re athletic, fit and strong. I’ve no problem with any of that. But look, females who look as if they can carry me sitting on their shoulders with room to spare just don’t appeal to me. In fact, if the coolie system is still in place at ports now, they’ll no worries about lack of jobs.
The girls that really took my breath away were those participating in the synchronized swimming event. It’s not so much of their beauty actually. A couple of them actually will look quite at home in the Mad magazine. At least none of them have shoulders so wide that can be use as runways. What drew me to them were their performances. Each team was so good, especially the Russian team, that I’d need an oxygen tank to get my breath back. I’m really amazed at how such perfect synchronization can be achieved, in water. I can also never figure out how they manage to perform those legs sequence in the air while half their bodies are submerged in the pool. The one time I tried, I got cramps and almost drowned. Some people were waiting to do my turkey victory dance then, if not for the cramps they were getting in their stomachs from laughing. I’ll need to get a patent for my dance.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
The young ones
I went to the orientation camp for new members of the student organisation, AIESEC, that I was previously in last night. It wasn't a surprise to see nothing has changed. Every year, you'll see a bunch of wild monkeys high on adrenalin jumping up and down at the camp, just that each year is a different bunch.
For the benefit of those who don't know what AIESEC is, it's basically a wholly student run international organisation which espouses the ideal of Sandra Bullock in Ms Congeniality i.e. World Peace! As a matter of fact, hundreds of our members are currently at an international conference deciding whether to make Sandra Bullock our spokesperson. Especially she had since joined the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, an alliance will take AIESEC one step closer to world peace.
Back to the camp, I only turned up in time for the party. First up, is the cross-dressing competition. Before you think what kind of weird organisation is AIESEC, all the things we do are for good reasons. By cross dressing, AIESEC hope to get the males to appreciate the finer points of femininity and understanding of 'the other'. Through this gender and cultural understanding, we'll hopefully be a step closer to world peace. Ditto for the females cross dressing as males, though of course, all eyes are fully focused on the 'females'. In case you're wondering if I've ever gone through this experience before, the answer is NO. So in the eyes of AIESEC, I'm a potential disruption to world peace. Maybe plans to eradicate me are being discussed at the international conference as well.
How can a party be called a party without music, dance and beer right? Sadly, the music and dance steps are centuries old to an old monkey like me. There hasn't been any new music or dancesteps introduced since I left AIESEC. So much for government's efforts in promoting creativity. Naturally, the young monkeys enjoyed themselves with these dances, for now. The amount of beer at the camp was obscene. There was enough to drown the Pacific nation of Kiribati. I lied of course. AIESEC only have nice people who don't drink a lot of beer.
Did I drink, you may be thinking? Honest as I'm, I've to say I did. It's just a small, tiny, weeny cup though, since I'm driving. Definitely not enough to get drunk (not that any drunks will admit they're) or to be over the legal driving limits. Even if I'm above the limits (which I'm NOT!), I wasn't flagged down by the police anyway. So officer, if you're reading this, you can't catch me since you've got no proof. Pppfffttttt!!!