Finally went for a hair cut today. It was long overdue and I was beginning to look too sloppy. Long hair, long sideburns and an all day everyday absolutely authentic out of bed look.
If anyone had wanted to write a male version of Rapunzel with unkempt hair, I would have been the perfect model. This is how I imagine the story, which I hope will be written by the Merry Brothers, will go:
Tales of Singapore - Remaking Rapunzel
Once upon a time in that dot on the map (yes, the one that looked like a booger on a fingertip), there was a handsome young lad by the name of Rapunzel. He lived high above in a HDB flat, imprisoned by an evil thing called Unemployment.
Forsaken by the working world, he grew slack and didn't bother to have his hair cut, allowing it to grow long in hope he would be picked as the next Rejoice Shampoo model. Daily, he also yearned for a young, rich and beautiful princess to free him from the hellhole.
One day, his wish came true. A young, rich and beautiful princess came by his block and cried up to him,
'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! Thee has come for ye!'
Rapunzel heard the cries, rushed to the window, saw the princess and shouted down,
'Nabeh, what took you so long? Use my hair to climb for what? Take the lift lah, you sadist. You think government upgrade the lift for fun ah?'
Ashamed, the princess took the lift up, thanking God that Rapunzel wasn't living in an Opposition constituency. Upon reaching Rapunzel's flat, she drew her sword, cut the lock and hacked down the door. Swooping Rapunzel off his feet, she headed downstairs for her white BMW parked by the road.
Sadly, a neighbour had seen all of these and alerted the police. Before the princess could even start her car's engine, she was arrested on the counts of housebreaking, damage to private property, kidnapping and illegal parking. The princess was sentenced to life imprisonment and had her driving license suspended for five years.
Hopes shattered, Rapunzel went to the neighbourhood hair salon to cut off his tresses and vowed to look for another young, rich and beautiful princess with his new look so that he could live happily ever after.
The End
Well, okay, my hair wasn't that long, but it was long enough for my authentic out of bed look to resemble Einstein's electrifying hair. It wasn't a look I fancy, so straight after breakfast I headed for the neighbourhood hair salon.
The moment I sat down, a hair stylist passed me two books with different types of hairstyles for my reference. It wasn't much help. First of all, I don't care much for fanciful hair styles. Secondly, the magazines were in Japanese. For all I know, those text by the pictures might be stating stuff like 'This hair style is extremely suitable for dimwits. The low cut fringe and gelled up hair will make any dimwits stand out in a crowd. So what are you waiting for dimwit?'
Hence, when the hair stylist came over and asked if I'd decided on any hair style, I asked him to recommend something easily manageable instead.
'Something easily manageable? Okay, let's try something ah,' he replied and proceeded to cut my hair.
That was when all my alarms started ringing and red lights flashing. Try something. I was going to be his guinea pig! It didn't bode well for me, but I didn't try to protest. I mean look, you don't try to argue with someone standing behind you holding on to a pair of scissors right?
So on he started clipping hair pins on my hair in a fashion that made me resemble a Chinese Chubby Baby. Just great, now I'm going to start a Chinese retro fad with my new hair style.
I'll look soooo irresistible with this hairstyle.
Thankfully, after 20 minutes of snips and cuts, I didn't turn out to become the new poster boy for Chinese Chubby Baby. Instead, after the hair stylist gelled my hair upward, I looked more like Tao Ren of the Shaman King comic.
Now, don't piss me off, or I'll skewer you with my hair.